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I hate missing people, especially when they haven't actually gone anywhere
I went around there early today.
I even ditched a ride with her just to see him before her.
However i forgot to take into account that mark is out of hospital now and would most likely be there, not that I minded
I love mark, he's the only person i know who can actually relate to my mental problems without sounding like a cliché or walking textbook.
I've missed him.
I meant it when i told him he's not alone.
Things where ok to start with when it was just us 3, At one point though it felt like i couldn't really remember his voice, and the one i was hearing was different, but it wasn't it was the same old Andy voice, The one I love, The one that keeps me here.
When she arrived it all went down hill, i mean yeah the night was fun, it was great seeing the guys.
But he just drifted further and further away.
Except for about 5 maybe 10 minutes on rock band where he sat on the bed with me, and kept rubbing my leg with his feet.
I love his feet their so warm.
I miss them warming mine in bed.
Like the freak he is he kept licking my arm to distract me, i didn't mind to be honest.
Because it's Andrew and it's the most direct attention i've had from him in ages.
After that though, he more than drifted away, he happily skipped from my general area to her acute direction.
I hate them all coupley, i hate them kissing, i hate him choosing to hold her, and snuggle with her, and be with her.
I could probably bare it, if i didn't have to see it, right infront of my face.
Everytime it's like he chooses her, then he'll hug me, or say something, or for just a minute maybe not even that, maybe just a few seconds he'll act like he genuinely cares, like he wants to be here with me, he wants to know what i thought, or why i laughed.
When he does that, that stupid little spark of hope i can never blow out comes back, and i'm fighting all over again.
I'm over my head in love. Again.


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